i wrote this when i was 14, in a nun costume, backstage for sound of music, and of course, just as you expected, it's a twee zombie romance
i showed this to like my sister and my two friends and then didn't play music for anyone ever again for like 2 yrs
but again, after i recorded "harriet tubman" i had my uke in my hands and i was like, i should probably let this one rest in peace on the dump album too
also you don't get the lyrics, i typed them on my phone in 2012 and it literally was not even an iphone, i had one with a slide out keyboard still, which was irritating and too extra all of the time
______________________________
it started out just like any other day
the people went to work without any delays
including brad, brad the accountant
brad was sick of numbers but he didn't care
as long as his boss gave him his well-earned share
it sucked so bad, nothing too special about it
mary died of TB in 1912
And in 100 years her teeth fell out and skin turned blue
her life was sad, nobody'd ever doubt it
but a century passed and her brain grew back
and her cold hand burst right up and felt the plaque
that had been placed there in her memory
here lies our dear mary
if you can't find true love
maybe you were too late
perhaps underground rests your soulmate
the zombie apocalypse isn't so bad
this is the story of mary and brad
the tv flicked on and the newsman spoke
of how the gate to the cemetery somehow broke
it was so weird, 'cause dead people stay dead, right?
wrong, that wasn't the case, mary hobbled along
and all the people on the sidewalk thought this is so wrong
she was so feared, but all she wanted was light
brad saw her and he had a heart attack
hoped he wasn't just a budding necrophiliac
closer she neared, because he had caught her sight
she said i like eating people, and i like brains a lot
but brad i'll spare your life because i think you're pretty hot
with discipline and self control
i think i could love your human soul
if you can't find true love
maybe you were too late
perhaps underground rests your soulmate
the zombie apocalypse isn't so bad
this is the story of mary and brad
mary and brad
mary and brad
never mind scratch that
mary ate brad
mary ate brad
mary ate brad
well you know zombies they're a selfish breed
and hey nutrition was just one of mary's basic needs
and either way she had an undead boyfriend
soon the whole world's future wasn't looking well
at least conspiracy theorists proved 2012
before the sane witnessed their whole lives bend
eventually the zombies popped up everywhere
and they eliminated everybody sur la terre
it's fair to say it really had been the end
sometimes mary remembered brad
his contribution to the takeover sure made her glad
though none of their brief love was real
she thanked him for the lovely meal
if you can't find love
sorry you were too late
don't look underground for your soulmate
because the dead don't want love i must add
i'm sorry dear friends but mary ate brad
mary ate brad
mary ate brad
and here ends the story of mary and brad
mary and brad
mary and brad
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